Funny Bits in Star Ocean 2 (280)

Precis: You want us to kill every single species on the brink of extinction in this planet, you know?

If you thought the design of this weapon was stupid, wait until you see what you need to do to have it made (after all, what is a powerful weapon without a long quest to obtain it?). You have to retrieve some LEA metal, which is apparently a natural magnet which will keep the antimatter in place in the sword; this metal is only found on all Nede in a small cavern, where the Barkers, a species native of another planet, live peacefully. The LEA metal is actually what these Barkers are made of, and some of them could be even stronger that the Ten Wise Men (albeit without a barrier of invincibility on them).

Now, was it stupid enough for you?

Funny Bits in Star Ocean 2 (279)

Claude: But it's still physically impossible
Mirage: Magical magnetic field
Claude: Oh, okay

Dr. Mirage briefly explains what the design plans are about: despite its looks, it's not a simple sword... It's an antimatter sword! She says it'll be able to penetrate the barrier or whatever surrounding the Ten Wise Men's bodies, allowing our heroes to actually damage them in battle.

Unsurprisingly, to the mention of antimatter, Rena replies with an 'Aunty who?', which summarizes pretty well the thoughts of all Expellians in the group. Claude, being the smart-as... I mean, having some knowledge of subatomic particles, promptly shares his doubts about their ability to maintain antimatter in a fixed region of space (namely, the blade of the sword) without it being annihilated with the surrounding matter (namely, air). Dr. Mirage's reply shows the apparent superiority of Nedian technology.

Funny Bits in Star Ocean 2 (278)

Dr. Mirage refers to that weapon displayed on the screen, which looks like a sword. Now... I know it's customary in JRPGs to have extremely powerful swords (I partly blame Star Wars), but would you feel comfortable having someone carry around a sword that can blow away a small planet? Imagine the scene...

Claude * looking at his new sword *: Wow! This looks fantastic! ...What's written on the back? ...Whoops! * sword accidentally falls from his hands * Oh no! * sword touches the ground * * Energy Nede is blown away *

Dr. Mirage is already browsing the contents of the atomic disk Narl gave her; she sounds excited by what she's found, but... Er, you see... Isn't that just a sword? That would be the weapon to use against the Ten Wise Men?! Come on, they have a huge interstellar cannon at their disposal, and you expect our heroes to face them in close combat!? An before you say anything: no, the fact that Heraldry and space-time teleporters exist in this game does nothing to justify this. I know 'it's a game', but at least try to have a little credibility. Did I mention I didn't like Star Ocean 2 because of its plot?

Funny Bits in Star Ocean 2 (277)

What in the world is an atomic disk? And by the way, if we take the name literally, either this disk is infinitesimally small (how did Narl carry it around like that?), or it should be impossible to split it further (how do you analyze something like that?).

Rena appreciated Claude's support a lot, especially since she knows he must be hurting about his father's death; in fact, Claude tries to hide his pain in public, but you can see him shed a tear when he sends Rena ahead to the ruined lab. They get back to the central room and Rena excuses herself for running off.

Meanwhile, Narl has obtained the data he was looking for: weapon design plans. Since he knows an expert who lives right here in Armlock, they immediately go back in town to meet her.  Dr. Mirage is a blue-haired woman with extremely bushy eyebrows and a great talent for weapon-making: in her small lab she can make all sorts of chemical and quantic experiments in a very short time. Narl asks introduces the group ans asks her to check the contents of the 'atomic disk' he used to store the data from the lab (wonders of Nedian technology: backwards hardware compatibility of 700-million-years-old technology!).

Now that I think about it, though, I've been assuming that by 'year' both Expellians and Nedians mean Earth year. For Expel, I can only suppose its orbit is more or less about the same as Earth's, but what about Energy Nede, which has a period of 7 thousand solar years? I'd better not overthink this, I'm sure it wouldn't be healthy.

Funny Bits in Star Ocean 2 (276)

Is it just me, or does their sitting pose look strange? Especially Rena's.

Claude rushes out of the ruined lab chasing Rena, and finds her in the woods outside after a little searching. He listens to her trying to come to terms with her past, and then all of a sudden she asks him 'Do you think my mother loved me?', still having doubts about her mother's feelings for her. Claude's mother is also a researcher (in Heraldry Science... I know it sounds funny), and she was often so busy with her job, so in a way he can relate to Rena's situation: he says his mother couldn't give up her research, but she also never neglected her son, and he's sure it was the same for Rena's mother.

At this point Rena finally bursts into tears, and Claude offers her his shoulder. While crying, she mentions that this place looks like the Shingo forest, which may be the reason she loved that place so much. The camera then scrolls upwards, showing light rays penetrating the forest, while a touching variation of the Shingo forest music plays. When the view comes back down, we find Claude and Rena sitting on the ground.

Something of note here is that Claude never mentions her mother's name; we don't even get to hear it (or see her) in one of the endings, where Claude comes back to Earth and sees her waiting for him at the spaceport. There could be a reason in that the first Star Ocean left some things open, and it's not explicitly shown who Ronixis, Claude's father, will marry. However, seeing Claude's appearance, as well as some of his fighting techniques, Star Ocean players could surely tell Iria Silvestri is his mother.

Funny Bits in Star Ocean 2 (275)

Somehow I can't understand this dialogue. Either they were trying to make Rena sound confused, or they tried confusing players like me.

How would you feel if, after searching for your mother, who left you when you were little, you found out that she had passed away 700 million years ago? How would you feel, aside from really, really old? Hard to say, no? I'm sure Rena doesn't know how to react to that either, at least not right away. That's why she suddenly runs away. Claude, after a bit of hesitation, chases after her.

Funny Bits in Star Ocean 2 (274)

It's not really a funny bit, but I was wondering: would Rena's mother be still alive if she had somehow survived the explosion? Sure, the incident happened millions of years ago, but, having talked to some Nedians, one can assume their lifespan is largely different from that of ordinary humans. Who knows how old Narl really is... But yeah, living millions of years is too much of a stretch.

Minutes before the explosion, Reema calls for her daughter: she has decided to try and save her by using an experiemental space-time teleportation device. This device wasn't designed for living matter, and it was too small to contain a person, but her daughter Rena would probably fit in, and in this desperate situation it's certainly the best option for the little child. After a short but heartfelt mother and daughter moment, in which Reema gives Rena a shiny pendant as a goodbye present, the registration ends, but not before Reema turns to the camera and says an alphanumeric code for some secret, and apparently dangerous, information.

So Narl got what he was looking for, a secret code for accessing the hidden archives of the lab. However, this search also revealed a shocking truth. I wonder how Rena feels right now.

Funny Bits in Star Ocean 2 (273)

Either you choose to turn your brain off and ignore all this science fiction jargon, or you can't help but feel sorry for the eventual people who happen to be on the space-time continuum the explosion will be phase-shifted to.

Our friends explore the abandoned lab for a while, and they finally find Narl in the innermost room, busy tinkering with some huge machine. The mayor has apparently unlocked the database of the lab containing al the video recordings they made (this is why Nedians are awesome: how many databases last so long?); he thinks they might find some hint to the location of some weapon designs in them, so he plays the last one.

What you see here is a screenshot of the recording made just before the great explosion (which happened for unclear reasons) that destroyed the lab. Talking is the blue-haired scientist Reema: she seems to have resigned herself to death. She's confident the explosion will only affect the lab because of the weird containment area they built around it: this way, only the people who caused the explosion will perish, and the rest will be safe from harm. There's only one problem, though: her little daughter is in the lab as well (did she always bring her there, or was that a special day? We'll never know).

Funny Bits in Star Ocean 2 (272)

I find it surprising that in an abandoned laboratory like this there's a broken machine that still emits sparks; considering the extremely long time it's been like this, it should have burnt or something.

After spending some time in North City, our heroes fly off to Armlock, where Narl is waiting for them: he's unlocked a sealed gate which conceals a mysterious transporter to 'a certain location'. The mayor's being secretive about the whole thing, as usual (you'd think he could trust you fully by now... or maybe it's just his laziness), but this time our friends won't have to wait too long for an answer.

The transporter takes everyone to a lush forest. While Narl goes ahead to prepare things (a picnic?), the group waits for a bit to look around. Rena feels like she's been here before: could this place have something to do with her Nedian past? Regardless, Claude decides they should follow Narl soon enough. Walking for a bit, they come up to the ruins of what appears to be a research laboratory (or at least that's probably what Claude thinks it is, everyone else might have a different picture in their heads).

Funny Bits in Star Ocean 2 (271)

I don't know what's funnier, Precis knowing she looks silly most of the time, or her having 'moments'.

In this hypotetical scenario, Claude doesn't take Precis's thoughts too seriously. There's a variety of ways Claude can screw up and make Precis mad, and they usually cause her to spin around a lot (like she always does, only much faster). In one case, Precis becomes so furious she even kicks Bobot to a wall when it calls for her; in another, Claude becomes so confused about the situation (figuring out how girls think is not his forte) that he himself starts spinning.

Funny Bits in Star Ocean 2 (270)

Claude: There's no need to be worried, Precis. After all, your father's already dead; it's just a matter of seeing if we can manage to resurrect him. (If this sounds wrong to you, know that you're not alone)

Our heroes decide to take a small break to think about the current situation. Expel is gone, together with Rena, Celine, Leon and Precis's loved ones, and while there seems to be a way to get them back (no matter how ridiculous it sounds), it involves defeating the Ten Wise Men, probably the most powerful people in the universe. It's hard not to worry about it, and yet...

Everyone's taking their time in North City, maybe hoping the tranquil atmosphere of the town will help to calm their agitated minds. However, Claude can't help but notice Precis is merrily chasing her Bobot around, as she always does: surprised at her cheery mood, he starts talking with her. She tells Claude that just moping around will get nothing done, and she's trying to be cheerful to keep the group's morale up, even in the difficult situation they're in. But even our little machinery expert has to admit her uneasiness... How does Claude react to that? It's up to you to decide!

In-game, this is a Private Action event, quite unique in the number of choices. Depending on how you want Claude's relationship with Precis to develop, you can choose your dialogue options to have either funny scenes or somewhat romantic ones; this is a good chance if you want Claude to end up with Precis in the ending scenes, but you might also want to see Precis's reactions to Claude's rude behaviour. In any case, you can just save your game progress just outside town, pick a set of choices, then reload your save and repeat with different choices. Which is what I did this time: I'll show you the scenes I thought were the funniest.

Funny Bits in Star Ocean 2 (269)

By moon, do you mean Nede's satellite or Earth's Moon? In the former case, why is it called Moonite? Or, in the latter case, what in the world would a moon rock be doing on Nede?

Collecting and identifying minerals is fun and all, but it's a waste of time, considering something like alchemy exists. Why bother searching for rare rocks, when you can simply turn iron into whatever material you want? Naturally, you would need a friend who has 'the blessing of Manna' (i.e. an innate talent which only spellcasters have, and which cannot be learned through practice) and is proficient enough in this 'science'. Being in possession of a Leezard Flask is also important, if you want to make the rarest minerals.

Funny Bits in Star Ocean 2 (268)

Ok, I'm sorry, but either due to my mistake in game save management, or because of an emulator glitch, I never actually got that woman's ID card in the Synard's cave, therefore she didn't show up in Central City. The walkthroughs I read don't seem to mention that you need to pick up the card and use it before a certain event, but it appears you can't meet with her anymore if you do that anytime after the event in Fienal (or possibly after the completion of the four Fields).

What does this all mean?

• I won't be able to fill up my eighth party slot, so I'm stuck with a party of 7 characters
• I won't have access to any of the Private Actions and events with this character, including the research on the Ten Wise Men
• She won't be an available choice for Leon's Private Action in Fun City (more on that in a later post), which is a pity, since that could have been a nice Funny Bit
• It's now worthless for me to 'go back' to Expel from Nede, since the only reason I'd do that would have been a small Funny Bit with this character

Her name is Chisato Madison, reporter for the Nede Chronicle: hot-blooded and passionate about her job, she's an expert in martial arts (she could follow our heroes in the Synard cave after all), but strangely she's also pretty clumsy (you could probably tell already). A lot of her battle quotes refer either to journalism or movie direction. Other than martial arts, in battle she also uses machinery of sorts, and she can also call the aerial defense force (it's weird, but it works on Expel as well) to bomb-raid the enemy.

Why would she have chosen to follow our group? But of course, as per Claude's proposal, she could have kept covering them for the news without the need to stalk them, while proving herself useful in combat. That's all you need to know about Chisato; I won't be able to even see her again.

Funny Bits in Star Ocean 2 (267)

Woah, some big words there, Narl!

Narl makes our friends know that he already has something in mind regarding their weapons, but he also has something less reassuring to say: while in Fienal, he noticed that a certain Crest (remember? They're inscriptions used to invoke magic) had been inscribed by the Ten Wise Men. Basically, it appears that invoking that Crest would cause the destruction of the entire universe... Yeah, I wouldn't buy that either, but since nothing Narl has said so far has made much sense - and yet it was true - we have to trust him. I don't think that Crest even has a name, but are we sure it works? After all, nobody must have managed to invoke it yet, or else we wouldn't be here now.

Funny Bits in Star Ocean 2 (266)

Claude: No way! I don't buy that! What's wrong with my trusty sword?

Our heroes have to fall back and retreat if they want to survive, but how? ...Well the game doesn't make a good job at making the player feel in a pincer, but that's where you are. Suddenly, Marianna (do you remember her? She's the leader of the Nedian forces, and one of the most impersonal characters you've met yet) puts herself between the group and Marsilio, offering to keep him busy while they try to run away. Claude and the others don't want her to sacrifice herself, but they have no choice: Narl commands a retreat, and everyone who's still standing goes back to L'Aqua, and then Central City.

Now, the game obviously wants you to somehow get attached to the character of Marianna, so that you can feel the importance of her sacrifice. However, Claude only meets her once (or twice, if you've visited L'Aqua before the mission takes place), and her dialogue is really minimal; how can you introduce a character like that, make her sacrifice herself for the party, and hope that it may have some significance to the player? You could just have had a random faceless soldier do the same, and it would at least have been less melodramatic. [There's a certain event later that... No, forget it, it's even dumber]

Back in Central City, after a night of tormented sleep, our heroes feel really depressed for their failure. Claude is also sad about the death of his father, and frustrated by his own weakness that prevented him to save the Calnus, or even to get revenge; but he doesn't show that much to his friends. Narl, instead, while still agitated (can you tell by his sprite or words? I sure can't), seems to still have some hope. He thinks that, despite their failure, they 'put up a good fight'. Well, it's good that there's Narl to tell us that, because dealing absolutely no damage to Marsilio couldn't really indicate anything like that.

The mayor then suggests that our heroes don't have 'suitable weapons' to fight the Ten Wise Men: does that mean we finally get back to use phase guns or something like that?! No, I guess not, since Opera had them and still failed (it would have helped a bit if she used her Kaleidoscope as a gun and not a club, but whatever). So let's hear what the next plan is.

Funny Bits in Star Ocean 2 (265)

Claude: Neither have yours, Precis!

Blinded by rage, Claude swears to kill all of the Ten Wise Men (wasn't that the plan anyway?) and avenge his father's death. One of them, however, simply brushes him off by simply saying 'My, at least he's spirited!', and then Marsilio, another one of the Ten Wise Men, shows up and offers to take care of the situation; the others agree and disappear.

The squad is ready to attack, but Marsilio summons robotic guards which quickly attack our heroes first; they're no match for Claude and the others, but Marsilio keeps calling for more, and the Nedian soldiers are slowly losing. Claude then decides to attack Marsilio directly, but then the horrible truth is revealed: like Berle, Marsilio is completely immune to any attack that the party can pull out! The squad is decimated, and our friends are at a loss on what to do.

Funny Bits in Star Ocean 2 (264)

Is this all Claude can do? Beg on his knees? I wouldn't blame him for that if he tried something else first and failed, as saying 'please' often works wonders (imagine what you could accomplish with a 'PLEASE').

The leader of the Ten Wise Men, after the first successful hit, orders to progressively increase the cannon's power, while Claude and the others witness the destruction that ensues on the screen, powerless and dumbfounded by their incapacity to stop this madness.

After the second beam, the Calnus's shields reduced to below one third of their power, commodore Kenni realizes the overwhelming force of the mysterious attack, and, in a desperate attempt, orders a counterattack: by using the directions the two beams came from, he calculates the coordinates they came from, and commands to fire their main cannon, hoping to hit the enemy. In all probability they do hit the target (it's not shown, however), but as we already know Energy Nede is surrounded by a very strong barrier, so the counterattack has no effect.

Finally, the Ten Wise Men order an even more powerful attack, which penetrates the shields and destroys the spaceship. This is the end of the glorious Calnus, of its crew, and of the legendary hero Ronixis J. Kenni.

Funny Bits in Star Ocean 2 (263)

Naw, it could just be the Large Hadron Collider (or just any other cyclotron) executing some experiments...

The Calnus crew is just proceeding their survey around the Arctura system, unaware of the danger they're in. Commodore Kenni is still deeply in sorrow for the loss of his son, because he doesn't know about the miracle (or ridiculous plot device, take your pick) by which he survived. But when the Ten Wise Men ready their weapon, and it gets detected by the crew, Ronixis doesn't forget his duty, and manages to get his act together to command the spaceship and lead it in its defensive maneuvers.

The man with red hair, who seems to be the leader of the Ten Wise Men, commanded to fire the first shot of their antimatter cannon at low power, yet it's still powerful enough to take away one third of the Calnus's shield power. The commodore could do nothing but broadcast a peace request in all languages (obviously unanswered) and redirect all power to the rear shields; the beam came out so suddenly and from so far away that even identifying the attacker would be impossible.

Funny Bits in Star Ocean 2 (262)

Either Claude has a speech impediment I didn't know about, or Calnus is an objectively hard name to pronounce, or both.

It seems that the Ten Wise Men wanted the Nedians to know of their plans before taking action: they state that they've just completed a weapon powerful enough to destroy a small planet (relax, it's not the Death Star, it's just an antimatter cannon capable of outclassing a Supernova in destructive power). It seems that their intentions are far from good, yet none of our heroes makes a move to attack; maybe it's just not honourable to take the initiative unless the enemy has already made some move, or maybe the attack squad has already realized that they don't stand a chance with a direct attack.

Being pretty full of themselves, the Ten Wise Men decide to show off the power of their newly made weapon, by using some kind of camera that points to outer space. The target they chose for this test is already in place, but, to Claude's surprise and dread, it's not a small planet. Displayed onto a huge screen on the front wall of the Fienal stronghold is the Calnus, the Earth Federation ship Claude was on before his adventure started, and the one his father is in command of. Unfortunately, it seems that Commodore Kenni had yet to veer away from the Arctura system (where Expel orbited), and the Calnus has now become a potential obstacle to the Ten Wise Men's plans, since they could warn the Federation. However, those fiends seem very confident in their military power, so I suppose the fate of the Calnus and its crew is already sealed.

Funny Bits in Star Ocean 2 (261)

Claude: Hey, no fair! I want that wind effect too!
Having just one character in the game with hair being moved by the wind is a thing some JRPGs have (it's usually the protagonist, because making extra animations for everyone would take too long), but in this case there's an explanation (sort of, although it's only revealed when you face that man in battle, and you might have lost interest by then).

Narl could also notice that something was wrong with Fienal, but even he realized too late that it was a trap... Well, how is it a trap when it only consists of suddenly appearing in front of the group and just talking (a lot)? They didn't even surround our heroes.

In short, a couple of the Ten Wise Men appear out of nowhere to 'greet' the attack squad. They still decline to give their names (the only one kind enough to introduce himself so far was Berle), but at least it would seem they were waiting for the group for some reason. Is it a welcome party? Somehow I doubt so.